(Hairdresser) - "I haven't seen you for ages."
(They mean) - "You've been going to another hairdresser."
(Hairdresser) - "It's got long hasn't it?"
(They mean) - "I'm on fairly safe grounds here."
(Hairdresser) - "What kind of shampoo are you using?"
(They mean) - "There must be some explanation for the state of your hair."
(Hairdresser) - "I can't afford a holiday this year."
(They mean) - "Please remember I rely on tips."
(Hairdresser) - "Are you busy at the moment?"
(They mean) - "I can't remember what you do."
(Hairdresser) - "Do you want anything on it?"
(They mean) - "After what I've done, I suggest you wear a hat." | 
